Thank you, dear garbage man, for carrying my loft bed up to the 6th floor walk-up of my tiny place in East Village, just because I say hi to you every morning.
Thank you, my friend, for all the evenings you listened to me go on about how: I can’t understand why he’d do this. Thank you for driving at night to find me in the middle of nowhere, for risking your safety to protect me. You’ve been there for me more times than I deserve, you’ve fed me when I was hungry, stayed up late ripping off moldings to help me fit my bed into this tiny room of mine.
Thank you, mom and dad. You brought me into this world after all the suffering and losses you had to go through. Thank you for standing up for me when I was scared and for leaving me when I needed you the most. My math homework would have never been done without you and I would have never learned to fry potatoes Russian army style.
Thank you, dear model, for all the photos you’ve let me take of you. Your big bright eyes and your long wavy hair sparkling in the sun are forever edged into my memory. Your kind smile and trust were the only things I needed to love what I do.
Thank you, dear mentor and client, for the job you gave me when I had no idea what I was doing, I’m grateful for your trusting “you’ll figure it out”. Thank you for taking me around the country showing me how the big guys do it and letting me do it myself.
Thank you, dear lover, for being with me for as long as it lasted, for teaching me oh so many different sides of loving. Thank you for being a loyal Russian, an emotional Italian, a confused Argentinean and a practical American. All the faces you’ve had that I can’t remember now, but rest assured, I don’t regret you at all. Mostly, thank you for ditching me that time in LA and leaving space for someone else to make me whole again.
Thank you, the ones I won’t address, for the abuse and molesting, for the shame and humiliation. I’m grateful for those the most. You taught me to stand up for myself, but most importantly with you I’ve learned that there’s nothing anyone could ever do to me that I can’t forgive.
I was never ready to do the things I had to do, but you assured me to trust the process and let everything fall into place. There wouldn’t be me without you, not now, not ever.
P.S. Thank you for reassuring me that this blog thing was a good idea:)